& there are. but god damnit, i love you, and i want this to work. I’m scared for the future, and i know you are too. countless times i’ve thought about how you are going to be having a child soon, how that’ll impact you, impact us. Long story short; you’re dying, and you know it. and you aren’t even trying to help yourself, and i cant watch you die. i love you, and that scares me enough as it is to be in love with some one who is going to be gone in a blink of an eye. I’ve thought of your drug addictions, your past. It’s horrible. and i hate seeing you do this to yourself. i cant “fix” you. i will not allow myself to be in another relationship like that where i need to baby/ or spoon feed you. I don’t like the fact that you want me to be the mother of your child, that you want to take full custody. do it, but please. i am 18 years old. I am not ready for that responsibility just yet, and its not even my child! plus the fact that i am my own person, i’ve got my problems too. i am trying to finish school, get a job, get a car, start my OWN life… I. am. terrified. & i know you are too. I’ve got my reasons. and this is why it’s so hard.

& i still don’t know just how to tell you this…